May I never forget. A list worth your read.

 6 years ago I put this sign up on top of the door leading from my classroom to the rest of the world.  It wasn't just for students.  I was well aware of the vast miles and miles I would have to traverse before I made my final steps out of that door.  Let me say, it is more than difficult to leave such an investment of myself and my time.  Actually, I've been freaking out all day... like I just lived through a war and I've been endeared to it somehow, not knowing how to function with civilians again.

But function I must.  And with half our income.  Still, those hugs waiting for me at home verify the right choice to bow out of the battle for a spell.

Notice, please, that one of them is in pajamas after 1pm and the other has no pants.  

Yes, my children do need their mother.

 May I never forget:

•  The bottle of warm urine found in the middle of my room.  I still wonder at how it appeared moments after I stood in that very spot, a quiet enraptured (or so I thought) class of 15-year-olds all within my gaze.
• The new "use" of clickers to record sexual stamina under the tables.
• The moment I realized that was NOT a photo of an innocent handle I had given everyone.
• The essay using Noah's flood to disprove global warming.
• The girl who asked me why I had gotten plastic surgery if it was going to make me look older.
• Urinary incontinence post child birth with no time for bathroom breaks.
• A parent asking me how much pornography on his kid's phone was too much before he should worry.
• The kid who wrote an essay about his dad taking him to a strip club when I asked him to write about some place of safety in his life.
• All the teen age boys who cried (way more than the girls).
• Catching several of my students looking flushed and sweaty in the school dark room.
• The guest sniper's slide show of inappropriate photographs of Iraqi's he had shot.

Perhaps these are the memories I should recall when I second guess my departure from public education.  Oh, and there really are SOO many more. Some much too horrible to document in print.

I will miss it though.  Deeply.  Perhaps deeply enough to go back to war someday.
We shall see.
We shall see.

 Me:   Why are you calling Grandma Cindy MOM?  I'm your mom.  Call me mom. (hurt feelings)

Annie:  No.  Megan calls her MOM.  You call her MOM.  I will call her MOM.  You're Nicole.

Me:  Please call me MOM. I am your mom.

Annie:  Then why does QUINN call you NICOLE?  QUINN says NICOLE.  You're NICOLE

Me:  -------
(drawing a blank here.  no response possible for such a logical train of thougt from a 2.5-year-old)

 Annie:    Mom, catch me a lady bug.  I want to hold it in my hands and let it crawl so it will tickle me.

Me:    O.K.  (look outside forever.  give up.  come in.  Hours later, Annie goes outside)

Annie:   Mom, look, I found a ladybug.  (holds up her hands.  nothing.  it's pretend).

Me:   Oh really?

Annie:   His name is Croose. 

Me:    Croose?

Annie:  Yes, Croose.  His name was going to be ANNIE but then we would have TWO Annie's, so his name has to be Croose.

 She won't crawl.  She scoots places on her bum, sucks her thumb all day, and holds soft things when she needs soothing.  She is a dream.  Super chubby.  So happy.  She will eat Mac & Cheese all day long but nothing else and cries when it is all gone.  She as 4 teeth:  2 on top and 2 on bottom.  She says TA TOO TA TOO and MA MA and DADDY.  Her eyes are deep dark brown and her whole face lights up when she smiles.  She can wave, shake her head NO when she doesn't want something, and clap.  Her hugs are tight.  She wants to be with Annie always.  Loves stroller rides (unlike number 1), and her cheeks get red when she has dairy.  She is my heart and I am her favorite and we are best friends already.

 Annie and V:

"This. Just not at midnight."

On Monday I was baking away - and swearing - at midnight.  The last week of school is always hectic.  I lamented to Q.  It went like this:

me:  "HONESTLY, what DO women do all day who don't have to work?"

Q:   "This.  Just not at midnight."

We both started laughing.  There was many a time this year when I had to suck it up and deal with work.  More later...but, THAT my friends, is in the past.  Starting today I officially have a two and half month vacation!  Can you believe it?  This is our first summer without moving or renovating!  My my, whatever will we do?  Well, for starters, may I just say that I woke up early this morning and cleaned my whole house.  It looks gorgeous. I even watched half an episode of Downton Abbey (before Porter walked in on the kissing scene and I had to turn it off - drat).

So that awful night (and so many others like them) when I needed way more hours in the day for what needed to be accomplished which pushed cookie-making for co-workers into the post midnight hours, THOSE nights are in the past.  I get to be a certified stay-at-home mom for 2 months.  Life is bliss.  Someone reminded me yesterday that I was jumping the gun on thinking I have vacation time coming because I'm having a baby in two weeks.  OH-CONTRAIRE I quickly corrected them, compared to this past year, having a baby will be a cake walk.  I'm even looking forward to my catheder at the hospital.  TMI? 

Annie (aka:  Little Mommy) requires a front row seat to any baking I do.  She is going strong at 11pm here.  It took more than a few spills before I figured out I should give her her own bowl to mix her own cookies in.  Duh.

only, those hippos are a lot more spry

My Nikon is AWOL. I left in it Hurricane before Easter and I haven't had the heart to post without photos ever since. I guess I still don't because now you're getting stuck with our family photos which were taken on March 15th way back when. I'm behind. I hate it. Busy with work and all that... Here's the catch up:

• We finally pulled the impossible triple threat: Forms ready, Q off work, and money to buy 10 yards of cement. Then it rained, and rained, and rained the entire day. No cement. We still have dirt dirt dirt. An acre of dirt. We are bleak and dismal round our parts. Plus, a spider almost ate Q when he was digging out the irrigation valves tonight. It seems all we do is work and never see any progress.

• It seems all we do is work. For the first time I caught myself on Monday looking at my students and willing myself not to run to my car immediately, drive home, and pick Annie up and never leave her. I have since had to keep reminding myself it is just the end of the school year, I am simply impossibly huge with baby, and I really can do this again next year.

• I am impossibly huge with baby. Conversation with an 8th grader this week: "I, Mrs. Hadley, like pizza." "We can SEE that Mrs. Hadley." "You now have an F for a week." You should see me try and teach dance on Mondays and Tuesdays. It's like those jumping hippos on Fantasia only, those hippos are a lot more spry.

See what I mean about the pigtails being a bad idea?
Anyway, going on my first trip without Annie tomorrow. There will be shopping.

If ever anyone took this gig away from me...

So here I am- having survived what I hope is the worst of us being sick, and the worst of grading essays at work, and the worst of dancing hard hard hard with a big belly at my other work, and the worst of winter. At least I hope survive can be a past-tense verb tonight. It's been a while since you've seen me probably- and now I know why! I'm positively HUGE and with 3 months to go. Plus my hair is seriously polyg long. No need to focus too long on that. Moving on. Here's the latest:


Annie and I were so sick for Q's B-day and I felt horrible that I could scarcely get myself out of bed to kiss him. Turns out that kissing was good to avoid since I had strep and gave it to Annie in the form of a severe strep diaper rash that she still has in an atrocious way, plus a full-body rash from her anti-biotic to kill the strep. Will it ever end?! The worst part was having to work most of the week despite us being so sick. Aunt Michelle, GPo, and my mom took pity on Q and threw together a quick B-day dinner I would never make him because I can't stand sloppy joes. Q seemed fine especially since he loves a good S.J. and I promised him a postponed B-Day celebration.


Here is just one of the cakes I made him later to redeem myself!
A fabulous pumpkin applesauce cake. Hope I bookmarked that recipe somewhere.

Just before we got sick, Annie and I took a quick trip to SLC to see Meg pick out a wedding dress. My camera fogged up in the cold so this was the only photo I managed. 4 little girls all the same age- it was a dream come true for Annie.

And in bigger life-events, we are pinching and squeezing every penny in sight to get our front yard in. The first step was finally getting a landscape guy to fix and wire our valves, then we managed to get half our cement plans for the front yard in. I just have to stop thinking about how many papers I have to grade to get this yard and keep reminding myself that once it is in, it is in and we don't have to keep scrimping to pay for it. Oh- it will be fabulous when it is done. I love our yard... or at least its potential. Q promised a front yard this spring and we are hoping to plant grass in April. In the meantime, feast your eyes on our expensive day of cement!

If ever anyone took this gig of motherhood away from me, I am positive I would cease to exist. I may be some shadow shell of a person walking around like a zombie, but make no mistake- it would be simply that, because there can be no Nicole without Annie and Q. I count down the days until I can stay at home full time and do the thousand mom things I dream of when I am at work. We have decided that our yard is a need, not a want, for our kids and so to work I must go one more year. But I sit on the edge of my bed in those rare moments when Annie is sleeping and I am home, and I stare out our window at our gigantic back yard and I know that another year is going to be worth decades of memories with Q and our kids running through sprinklers or having backyard camp outs and baseball games. I am proud that we both work so hard for what we have and the life we are building. I love molding our house, however slow, into something unique with our touch in every space and corner. This is it really, what life is about. And we are tired and exhausted, and working much too much... but we are happy, and we have Annie, and, someday, we will have an acre of grass.

Annie's kisses are the best in the world!
Even when they are accompanied by a face full of whipped cream.

THIS, beauty, and the Jubilee

...And THIS is what the entrance to your classroom looks like if you are obsessed with your cute baby that you left with the nanny and can't hardly wait to see her after school so you put up a million pictures of her in the halls to get you through 2 very exuberant 9th grade classes.

...and THIS is what it looks like when Quinn and I race to see who can get Annie first after my mom has been watching her. Never mind the boy Pajamas. Remember, I thought she was going to be a boy. So I'm a bit behind on keeping up with her tremendous height and growth. These PJ's were ready, nice and clean on the shelf. What was I to do? At least I accompanied them with a princess blanket.

...And THIS is Annie enjoying her nightly bath complete with my serenade of the usual bath tub repertoire: Rubber Ducky, Splish Splash I was Taking a Bath, Jurassic Park Theme.

Jubilee 2010
I ran into an old high school friend at the Jubliee this year. Remember the amazing Brynn Lewis? Anyway, she's not Lewis anymore- but she's still drop dead gorgeous Brynn! I mean, she looked AMAZING and dazzling and perfect. Not a hair out of place, size ZERO, pearly white teeth, and eyes that twinkle. The point is that I was totally impressed sans a speck of jealousy or self-consciousness. I think it's a sign that Brynn is way too nice and awesome to make anyone feel not-no-hip around her PLUS the fact that I am absolutely 100% happy! I mean, how many times do you see a perfect mom and not immediately compare yourself? I give the credit to Annie. Well, Brynn- If you're out there, you are so beautiful, and fun, and amiable, and everything good and I'm super glad to have run into you again.
SPEAKING OF BEAUTY and my friends: Did you know I had a dream that Amy Earnstrom was so beautiful I couldn't look directly at her because it burned my eyes? Intense.

I switched out the pram for the new seat on the Uppababy Vista and Annie LOVED it. She could see out and boy is she a people watcher. She is also a people attractor! One of my students suggested I hang up a sign on the Uppababy that says touch my toes, not my nose!
Quinn and I and all my fam have been sick but Annie has yet to pick something up. I call that diligent and exhausting parenting!

This is Meg (the nanny) getting ready to go to the Jubilee banquet. JEALOUS. I missed out this year because I got to stay home with a cute little 3-month-old bundle of joy! No regrets. But I do feel bad I missed a cake dropping from the ceiling and my dad blowing out the candles (he is the president of the hospital board). Cest la vie. I guess my life of posh dinner banquets and auctions are over for a bit. Worth it though... and doesn't Meg look terrific in her Bettie Page? Did you know that Miranda Lambert is a Bettie Page fan too?